i resisted coming here, to open the harbors that guard my heart (jeremiah 23: 24). abide with me, fast falls the even tide. this darkness deepens, lord with me abide. and what does not flow freely from you? am i convicted of what i say? forgive me of this pride that knows your redemption yet shamelessly walks away. and now my life ebbs away. night pierces my bones, and these gnawing pains never rest. and how i long for that day (when i will return to ashes and dust)(job 30: 17-19). if my steps turn from the path, or if my heart has been led by my eyes, or if my hands have been defiled, then may others reap what i have sown (job 31: 7-8). better that i dwell in the house of the lord who upholds all those who fall than reap this harvest of a life waged in the flesh. and what do i gain but the exchange of the truth for a lie? and a heart conditioned not to feel, callused by the nature of my pride? and now my life ebbs away.