in different ways lyrics – jon lajoie

i can see it in your eyes girl
that you’re in the mood for love
so i light some candles, pour some wine
come sit down on the rug

but there’s something i must tell you, babe
before we take this step
something about me girl
that you do not know yet

i have no p*n*s
it was torn off
in a bicycle accident
in nineteen ninety nine
i also lost one t*st*cl*
so all i have is a weird uni-ball
and a rubber tube, between my legs
but babe, i can love you in different ways

i’ll make love to you with the rubber tube
that i use for urinating
i’ll just tape two popsicle sticks around it
make it easier for penetrating

and having only one ball
isn’t always a bad thing
it’s like a pool ball in a pillow case
it’s like a cherry on a sundae

’cause girl
i have no p*n*s
i have no c*ck
if it looks like i have a ball
just ’cause i stuff it with a sock
girl, i know that you’re afraid
but i promise, baby, if you stay
i’ll put a cuc*mber in the microwave
and babe, i will love you in different…

…ways
just because i don’t have a c*ck
it doesn’t mean i can’t rock
just because i don’t have a c*ck
it doesn’t mean i can’t rock
just because i don’t have a c*ck
it doesn’t mean i can’t rock
don’t be fooled by my lack of a c*ck
i’m still johny from the block

o-o-oh yeah

/ jon lajoie lyrics