ladies, and gentlemen… and lowlifes
it is with outstanding pleasure
that we are here to present tonight…
slick rick, the ruler! and mc ricky d!!
doing their smash hit, “mona lisa,”
you know, like the picture?
anyway, i’d like to take this time out
to bow before his divine majesty
[ricky] oh your majesty…
[ricky] can i kiss your hand?
[ricky] (kisses his hand loudly)
[ricky] come your highness.. they await you..
well, it was one of those days — not much to do
i was chillin downtown, with my old school crew
i went into a store — to buy a slice of pizza
and b*mped into a girl, her name was mona — what?
mona lisa (what?) *singing* mona lisa, so men made you..
youknowhati’msayin? so i said, “excuse me, dear
my gosh, you look nice!
put away your money
i’ll buy that slice!”
she said, “thanks – i’d rather a slice of you
i’m just kidding, but that’s awfully nice of you”
the compliment showed she had a mind in her
and when i smiled (ping!) i almost blinded her
she said, “great scott! are you a thief?
seems like you have a mouth full of gold teeth”
ha-ha, hah! had to find that funny
so i said, “no child, i work hard for the money
and calling me a thief? please! don’t even try it (right!)
sit down eat your slice of pizza, and be quiet”
she almost got cut short — you know, scissors
she tried to disrespect who?! the grand wizard
me! “well what’s your name, son?”
“mc ricky d,” but not to be so harsh i said to mona li-hee
“i’m.. sorry and i know that’s low cl*ss (uhh, yeah)
please sit, and tell me a little about your past”
she said, “well i got courage, and i don’t like porridge (uh-huh)
i’ve never been to college, but i’ve got crazy knowledge (uh-huh)
over eighteen and my eyes are green (uh-huh)
i wear more gold than that man on a-team (uh-huh, uh-huh)
trim, slim, (yeah) and i’m also light skinned
best believe mona’s a virgin”
a virgin?! honey needed a slap
she tried to tell me she’s a virgin — with her yea wide gap
i said, “it don’t matter, see, i’m not picky (word)
let me spell my name out for you, it’s ricky:
r – ravishing
i – impress
c – courageous; so careless
k – for the kangols which i’ve got
that i wear everyday and
y – why not?
to fight’s not right that i recite and i’m..
quite polite like walter cronkite”
well, just about then, trevor my friend came in
he said, “hey rick, don’t you know playin with these snakes is a sin?!?”
he grabbed me by my shirt and pulled me right out the store
he said, “i don’t want to see you playin with these lowlifes no more!
now come along, we have a party to attend
with some real mature women and some more of her friends”
he hailed down a cab and he waited for a minute
and as the cab came, he thrusted me in it!
and as we were leavin and drivin along
i could hear a melody as mona sang a song
[excerpt from “walk on by” – d. warwick]
“if you see me walking down the street
and i start to cry.. each time we meet..
walk on by.. walk on by..
that’s all that i have left, so, let me hide
the pain and the hurt that you gave me
when you said goodbye..
you walked on by..”