the bastard son of dean friedman lyrics – half man half biscuit

well i heard a lovely rumor,
that bette midler had a tumor,
so gleefully i went to tell my friends.
but they said it was a lie,
that she wasn’t going to die,
“and by the way, have we got news for you!”

and they told me that the man
that i had always known as “dad”,
hadn’t met my “mum” when i was born.
and they reckon that i am,
but i hope to god i’m not,
the b*st*rd son of dean friedman,
the b*st*rd son of dean friedman.

and my school-work fell behind
with this bombsh*ll on my mind.
me art teacher said he understood.

but he could only sympathise
with the sadness in my eyes,
even though he’d shown my his magerite!

and in the “corridors of fear”
i would shed a lonely tear,
as ridicule flew at me from both sides.
and they mocked me in my mocks,
and embroidered in my socks,
the b*st*rd son of dean friedman,
the b*st*rd son of dean friedman.

supercalifragilistic borussia moenchen gladbach

and you can thank your lucky stars that you’re not
the b*st*rd son of dean friedman,
the b*st*rd son of dean friedman.

/ half man half biscuit lyrics