the best things in life lyrics – half man half biscuit

my uncle charlie is a cynical man
and his wifes a touch skeptical, too.
they’ve got one of those stickers
in the back of their van; it says:
we’ve seen the prices at the zoo.
well today i knocked upon their door
and said that i was p*ssing,
and charlie launched a scathing attack.
when i asked him what i’d done, he said
“you stupid b*st*rd! we live in a cul-de-sac!”

went to dali’s party; it was fancy dress.
i just stuck an apple in my face.
i saw a chap who obviously was out to impress,
reckoned he’d beat gagarin into sp*ce.
he said “hi there boys!
like i’m sorry i’m late!

but i was getting done up
as a mogul thrash acetate!”
me, i got bored
so i went home,
got into bed,
and came to the conclusion…

there is nothing better in life
than writing on the sole of your slipper with a birol
there is nothing better in life
than writing on the sole of your slipper with a biro
there is nothing better in life
than writing on the sole of your slipper with a biro
there is nothing better in life
than writing on the sole of your slipper with a biro
on a sat*rday night instead of going to a pub.

/ half man half biscuit lyrics