let’s meet contestant #1
he’s a schitzophrenic serial killer clown,
who says women love his s*xy smile.
let’s find out if his charm will work on sharon.
sharon, what’s your question?
contestant #1, i believe first impressions last forever,
so let’s say you were to come over to my parents’ house
and have dinner with me and my family.
tell me what you’d do to make that first impression really stay.
let’s see, hmm, well i’d have to think about it.
i might show up in a tux, ha! but i doubt it.
i’d probably just show up naked like i always do,
and look your mama in the eye and tell her f*ck you!
hurry up b*tch i’m hungry, i smell spaghetti,
i’d pinch her loopy *ss and tell her get the food ready!
your dad would probably start trippin’, and get me p*ssed.
i’d have to walk up and bust him in his f*ckin lips!
it’s dinner time, while hearin’ grace from your mother.
i pull a 40 out and pour some for your little brother.
i’m steady, staring at your sister, i’ll tell you this,
you know for only 13 she got some big t*ts!
after that, your dad would try to jump again,
and only this time i’d put the 40 to his chin!
after your mom does the dishes and the silverwear,
i’d dry f*ck her ’till i nut in my underwear!
now let’s meet contestant #2,
he’s a psychopathic derranged crackhead freak
who works for the dark carnival.
he says women call him stretch nuts.
sharon, let’s hear your question.
i like a man who’s not afraid to show his true emotions.
a man who expresses himself in his own special way.
#2, if you fell in love with me, exactly how would you let me know?
first thing, i could never love you.
you sound like a richy b*tch, yo f*ck you!
but if i did, i’d probably show you that i care,
by takin all these other m*th* f*ckers outta here!
i’d go through your phonebook and whack ’em all,
and find contestant #1 and break his f*ckin jaw! (what)
anyone who looked at ya, would have to pay
i’d be blowin’ f*ckin’ nuggets off all day!
i’d grab your t*tties, and stretch em down past your waist,
let em go, and watch ’em both spring up in your face.
i’d sing love songs to ya, the best i can,
get ya naked and hit it like a caveman!
then we’d go to the beach and walk through the sand.
i’d throw a little in your face and say i’m just playin’.
as you spit it all out, i’ll rub your back, and
grab your underwear and wedge it up your *ss crack!
well it sounds like contestant #2
is just overflowing with sensitivity sharon,
it’s a tough choice so far,
sharon, let’s have your last question
and see which one is gonna win the rights to your neden.
ok, if we were at a dance club,
and you both noticed me at the same time,
tell me, how would you each get my attention,
and what would your pick up lines be?
whoever’s the smoothest wins!
ok, first, i’d slide up to the bar,
and tell you that i can’t believe how f*ckin’ fat you are!
i’d tell ya that i like the way you make your t*tties shake,
and if you lost a little weight you’d look like ricki lake.
f*ck, that! you’d be jackin’ me quick!
i’d order you a drink, and stir it with my d*ck,
and then to get your attention in a crowded place,
i’d simply walk up and stick my nuts in your face!
yeah, freak her with your nuts, yo that’ll get her!
tell her that she’s fat, yeah, that’ll work even better!
look, f*ck you, i gotta strong rap sh*t
you don’t want contestant #2 he’s mad whack.
i walked into a barn, and there he was,
standing on a bucket (eeeuuugghhh) tryin’ ta f*ck it
it was a big f*cking smelly *ss farm llama.
how you gonna diss yo mama?