the nervous wreck of edna fitzgerald lyrics – camille west

we sailed away from huntington bay
and the waters were calm as could be-oh
on our new cabin cruiser, the first time we used her
’twas just the family and me-oh
and my husband stood proud in his new captain’s hat
using words like ahoy there and- cr*p like that
so we took the kid and cleo our cat
and set outt o conquer the sea-oh
everyone loved it but clee-oh
and it’s yo ho over the seas
the salt and the spray and the cool ocean breeze
p*ss me a bottle of perrier please
this is the life for me
the tranquility three miles out to sea
suddenly came to an end-oh
when the kid started saying “no way am i staying
i’d rather be playing nintendo-oh”
and the captain cried “ho there, you little snot,
i paid fifty grand for this family yacht
you’re going to enjoy yourself, like it or not
so you’d better learn how to pretend-oh”
(we all caught the man’s innuendo-oh)
and it’s yo ho over the seas
the salt and the spray and the cool ocean breeze
p*ss me a bottle of dramamine please
this is the life for me
my husband the captain was checking the charts
while the cruiser was burning up fu-el
and the kid threw the cat in, trolling for sharks
he called it a project for school-el
i reached down to pull the cat in by the tail
when i smelled what i held my complexion went pale
that’s when i lost my lunch over the rail
the kid thought the whole thing was coo-el
mama was not feeling too-well
and it’s yo ho over the seas
the salt and the spray and the cool ocean breeze
p*ss me a bottle of valium please
is this the life for me?
we ran out of fuel by mid-afternoon
and the clouds were moving in fast-er
and the captain did say, “there’s no more perrier”
which made it a total disast-er.
with hardly a warning it started to pour
and we drifted ’til we reached the new jersey sh*r*
(never thought i’d be glad to see jersey before)
we started drifting in fast-er,
tried to steer the ship, but we crashed her
no more yo ho over the seas
the salt and the spray and the cool ocean breeze
p*ss me a bottle of cyanide please
this is no life for me.
i’m back in my condo, the cruiser’s a wreck
my husband is spending the insurance check
on something for dry land or i’ll break his neck
’cause this is the life for me
yo ho

/ camille west lyrics